It’s officially autumn, and you know what that means: it’s time to curl up on the couch with your favorite sweet treat, turn on Netflix, and watch the classic TV show, Gilmore Girls. Fall is the ideal time to immerse yourself in the lives of main characters Rory and Lorelai as they navigate family relations and a host of adventures within their quirky, New England small town.
Discussing pop culture hasn’t really been my forte on this blog, which is often dedicated to back-to-school tips, poetry, and personal musings. However, I’ve begun rewatching Gilmore Girls for the first time in a long while, and I realize I have some thoughts I’d like to put out into the world.
Growing up as a preteen in the early 2010s, I was introduced to Gilmore Girls through streaming services and word of mouth, often associated with clichés of teenage girls. It has been nearly two decades since the show ended, but its virality still lives on.
Gilmore Girls takes the viewer through the extremely spirited lives of mother Lorelai and daughter Rory. Viewers experience every up and down alongside their favorite characters. Between the excellent writing and acting, viewers feel deeply during every heartache and success. The show isn’t perfect; it lacks racial and cultural diversity, and occasionally, one of its patented witty jokes doesn’t hit the right tone. But despite all this chaos, one thing remained constant: the love between mother and daughter.
How Gilmore Girls Expands the Idea of Motherhood
For the most part, Lorelai and Rory have a very positive relationship. They occasionally bicker, but the audience knows that by the end of the episode, they’ll come together under some kind of mutual understanding and an abundance of love. This relationship clashed dramatically with the one I had with my stepmother, who was my primary caregiver growing up. When I watched the show as a child, it often acted as a reminder of what I didn’t have.
I realize that Gilmore Girls is only a fictional TV show, and no one should compare themselves to something so fabricated. But as a kid who watched TV shows to escape my reality, I had a hard time separating myself from the narrative.
My stepmother and I didn’t argue about stealing each other’s sweaters or what time my curfew was, like Rory and Lorelai did. Instead, our fights were dangerous and personal. Unlike Lorelai, my stepmother didn’t encourage me to attend special private schools or pursue relationships with family. Instead, she told me I wasn’t special enough to succeed, and she went out of her way to sever my ties to friends and family.
As an adult, I understand that no parent-child relationship is perfect. The representation of motherhood in Gilmore Girls shows the viewers that everyone has their flaws. Yet, I’m also able to acknowledge that all children deserve to feel safe and valued. Just because children are young in years doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be treated with respect and dignity.
What Gilmore Girls Teaches About Motherhood
The representation of motherhood in Gilmore Girl’s isn’t perfect; Rory sometimes finds herself taking care of her emotionally distraught mother when she should be taking care of herself. Lorelai is still a child in many ways and must grow up alongside her daughter through the shows seven seasons.
Despite this, there’s a few key takeaways I think everyone can benefit from.
1. Step away from the conversation when you’re feeling strong emotions.
There’s a scene in Gilmore Girls where Lorelai is so insecure that she begins projecting her internal problems onto her daughter. Lorelai claims that Rory has been stretching out her sweaters, and she instigates a shouting match. While Lorelai’s parenting gets off to a rough start in this instance, the duo is able to resolve their conflict after a day of individually processing their emotions.
When I’m angry, I know I likely won’t be able to communicate sensibly and that I’ll likely regret whatever I say. It’s up to all of us to set aside our egos and do what’s best for our relationships.
2. Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.
This is a concept we’re taught to follow from a young age: that in order to truly understand someone, we must relate to where they’re coming from.
In Gilmore Girls, Lorelai was raised by two very controlling and harsh parents, and at the age of sixteen, she moved away. As an adult, Lorelai is still forced to have a relationship with her parents, but there’s always conflict because neither side takes the time to understand where the other is coming from. Lorelai can’t help but see her parents as the villains she grew up with, while her parents continue to see their daughter as the rule-breaking teen.
3. Honor your past experiences but remember to live your life.
Like I mentioned in point number 2, Lorelai and her parents have a strained relationship. Lorelai never lived up to their standards or fit into their lifestyle, and when she got pregnant at sixteen, she took the baby and moved away. Throughout the show, Lorelai holds onto the mistreatment she faced by her parents and the pressure she felt to be self-sufficient. It’s a constant struggle for Lorelai to let go of her trauma responses and to establish the life she wants for herself and Rory.
It might seem silly to take away life lessons from a TV show mother-daughter bond, but I believe that relationships are always a work in progress. Whether the relationship is real or fictional, there’s always room to learn and grow. Because of this, I think it’s reasonable to draw some lessons for the show, Gilmore Girls. Considering you’re already binge-watching seven seasons of a show, you might as well pick up some life lessons along the way.
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